OmarWatch

Caulfield+OmarWatch

2005-02-04T14:52:00.000-08:00

What happens when bad meets evil? Many have asked questions such as this, but seldom have there been those brave enough to answer. Beer and Tequila? Cocaine and speed? DB2 and Service-oriented Architecture?

The answer is simple. Massive retaliation on an unprecidented scale.

Mother, if you're reading this, please don't look at my Google adds until I set the content filters!

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Anti-Caulfield

2005-02-04T14:44:00.000-08:00

-- Breaking News --

After Mr. Caulfield's discovery that OmarWatch had been hijacked by a bunch of Caulfield stalkers, he reportedly said, "Dude. That's not me, dude."

His comments, in refference to a link on Omarwatch, bear closer scrutiny. Writing experts suggest that Mr. Caulfield, business writer, actually knows how to write, as opposed to Mr. Caulfield the biggot, whose prose stylings leave much to be desired.

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CaulfieldWatch

2005-02-04T13:58:00.000-08:00

-- Breaking News --

OmarWatch, your one-stop news shop for all things related to Omar Jamil has announced today that it will discontinue coverage of Mr. Jamil.

After OmarWatch editors were implicated in a vast, right-wing conspiracy to covertly ridicule Mr. Jamil, they took down the site for several days as a courtesy.

Now, OmarWatch is back, but with a different focus: Brian Caulfield, news editor, Red Herring Magazine.

You can read Mr. Caulfield's thoughts on his weblog. He is most certainly a prolific author, capable of covering a variety of topics. Of course, it could be someone else out there with the same name.

In conjunction with the announcement, Mr. Caulfield has issued a statement in which he said, "Dude."

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News, Omar Jamil Style

2005-02-01T22:22:00.000-08:00

-- Breaking News --

Omar Jamil, a journalist for Red Herring Magazine, a publication based in Mountain View, California, wrote yesterday.

His article, For whom the Bell tolls, covered the SBC buyout of AT&T. The 366 word story highlighted the merger's effect on startups.

Killer quotes include:

“VoIP is a very disruptive technology, which is probably one reason why this is happening,” Vonage CFO John Rego said of the proposed merger.

According to J. Sanford “Sandy” Miller, general partner at venture capital firm 3i and board member of Vonage, the proposed merger holds little significance for startups. “So SBC becomes bigger, but it was already big,” he said.

“The concept of the service provider going is revolution; with the service provider, it’s not really a revolution,” said Mr. Goroshevsky, implying that his technology would get rid of service providers altogether, whether it’s AT&T or Vonage. “The bigger they are, the harder they fall.”

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OmarWatch Partners with (Large Search Engine)

2005-02-01T22:11:00.000-08:00

-- Breaking News --

OmarWatch, your premium Jamil-based content provider, has partnered with (A large search engine company) to better serve its readers. The firm, based in Mountain View, California, recently announced quarterly revenues of over $1 billion, representing 100 percent quarter on quarter growth. Earnings soared 7x.

It is impossible to know if this was directly related the company's recently announced partnership with OmarWatch. Both organizations expect synergistic revenue growth in the following quarters to exceed expectations.

If you enjoy the Omar Jamil coverage we provide, please consider supporting the site by visiting with our partners.

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Exclusive: Omar is not British

2005-01-27T15:52:00.000-08:00

-- Breaking News --

An undercover reporter for OmarWatch ate lunch with the star of ChasingTails today.

“I’m definitely Pakistani. I’m just lucky enough to have a British passport,” revealed Omar, delivering a final blow to those who had suggested otherwise.

It seems that Omar is so Pakistani that he even rings up to order the Pakistani meal on commercial jets before he flies.

But at home the food is more varied: “Our cook usually asks us what we feel like that evening. Sometimes we even have Chinese,” said Mr. Jamil.

OmarWatch can reveal that Omar chose an extra spicy red thai curry to fuel him through his afternoon.

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OmarWatch to upgrade reader services

2005-01-26T22:44:00.000-08:00

-- Update --

The publisher of OmarWatch has given the staff a momentary respite while the site goes under construction. You may already notice new features and functionalities. We wanted a picture of Omar to be up all the time, so we hacked up a little HTML, and, *viola* now you can see the subject of our coverage at all times. We also included a permanent link to his weblog, ChasingTails, just in case you needed it.

We here at OmarWatch are working hard to improve your Omar experience and always appreciate your input. Thanks for putting up with our site repairs.

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Independent source blogs Omar's Car

2005-01-26T11:33:00.000-08:00

-- Breaking News --

As interest in Omar Jamil increases, several internet journals, commonly known as weblogs, have popped up. An source independent of OmarWatch has started a weblog about Omar Jamil's car. The root of the new weblog's coverage will be Mr. Jamil's red 1988 Toyota MR2, sources indicate. Rumor suggests Mr. Jamil has been in talks to acquire new rims, which will be both sparkely and spinny, sources say. For news about Mr. Jamil's automobile, please consider OmarCar, an unaffilitated resource for those who have a special interest in Mr. Jamil's preferred mode of transportation.

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Story and Blog during same day!

2005-01-25T19:23:00.001-08:00

-- Breaking News --

Omar Jamil, a San Francisco-based journalist-come-weblogger, wrote a news story for Red Herring Magazine and made an entry into his weblog, ChasingTails all during the same afternoon.

"This represents a new level of productivity for Omar," a coworker commented, "I haven't seen him this busy since Versache had a sale."

The news article focused on the Second IPO of buy.com, as OmarWatch had previously reported. Though compitently reported and written, one must wonder if IPO, or Initial Public Offering, is the correct term to apply to a company that has sold shares of its stock before.

More importantly, Mr. Jamil found time in his busy schedule to make an entry into his now-famous weblog. Recent comments from Mr. Jamil's relatives demanding "more sex please," have forced the author to decide the future of ChasingTails. In "for whom the blog rolls," an introspective Mr. Jamil considers: "Do I add on the sex and violence...or pull back in a virtual coitus interuptus...?"

Although reports indicate Mr. Jamil is not one to leave the church before singing, the contemplative nature of his most recent post points toward the heart of what makes Omar Jamil's musings worth reading. He vacilates between decadent self-indulgence and an almost zen-like ambivalence toward his surroundings. As ChasingTails fans already know, there is a Tao of Omar, a way of being untroubled by outside pressures, untrammled by adult responsibility. His subtle tightrope walk between poetic musing on Tasha Amaral, his 22-year-old girlfriend, and his sense of vague responsibility to write about "...a world that is increasingly stricken with strife."

In many ways, Mr. Jamil's life mirrors that of journalist Russel Baker, author of Growing Up. In Growing Up Mr. Baker, a long time reporter for The Baltimore Sun, is constantly nagged by his mother to "make something of himself." One feels that Mr. Jamil may have experienced similar pressure, only without having done what Mr. Baker did: grown up.

Understanding Omar Jamil has, for some, become a calling. As a spouce of one of Mr. Jamil's coworkers noted to her husband: "How come this guy goes out and has fun and you have to work all the time?" One can find many contradictions, convolutions, and incongruity's in trying to understand Mr. Jamil. Walking the Way of the Omar is not an easy path.

Share your thoughts, frustrations, and insights with the editors of OmarWatch. We're all in this together.

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Story and Blog during same day!

2005-01-25T19:23:00.000-08:00

Omar reads SEC filings -- story to come

2005-01-25T15:38:00.000-08:00

-- Breaking News --

Omar Jamil, journalist and author of ChasingTails, is in the process of writing a news story, but sources say to expect delays. The story, based around the immenant publich offering of infamous internet bust buy.com, has hit several snags, reports indicate. The company filed an embarassing S-1 with the SEC today, showing the company is hemoraging cash and dropping money like a bad habit. After its IPO in 2000, the company didn't do so well and went private again.

Mr. Jamil's story is expected to say what a bad idea it is for this company to go public -- again -- especially since little has changed since its flameout.

With a 4:30 deadline looming, Mr. Jamil will have to push hard to get his story filed on time. Can he make it? Only time will tell. If Red Herring posts his story, OmarWatch will let you know.

If it has to do with Omar Jamil, read about it here, at the first Omar-only news network.

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Name Omar's Car Competition

2005-01-24T19:07:00.000-08:00

Omar's car has been called many things. It is a 1988 Toyota MR2, with over 180,000 miles. Take a crack at naming it. We'll judge the best post and dub the car as such from hence forth.

Garage Disaster

2005-01-24T18:16:00.000-08:00

-- Breaking News --

As many as 6,000 people in San Francisco each year suffer from burglary, police report. But what of one man's pain in the sea of such statistics?

In an OmarWatch exclusive interview, journalist Omar Jamil, said the garage of his San Francisco appartment had been broken into. Mr. Jamil was unable to say if any of his posessions had been stolen, but expressed concern that a potential burglar could have gained access to his studio. "I just don't know right now," Mr. Jamil said through his evident despair.

Mr. Jamil left his office at Red Herring Magazine this evening at 6:10 pm, saying he had scheduled a time to speak with his land lady. "She said 6:30, but I told her I'd be there by 7," Mr. Jamil said, "I don't know how I'm going to make it."

Concerns over the possible theft of key Omar-related objects should be assuaged by noon tomorrow.

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Monday Morning, Omar-style

2005-01-24T11:37:00.000-08:00

-- Update --

Omar Jamil, a journalist based in San Francisco, went to work this morning at Red Herring Magazine, a business and innovation publication based in Mountain View, California. He wore black pants, a black sweater, and a pink shirt with a blue tie.

Mr. Jamil spent time surfing the Internet, where he found an offer from Mr. Smiley for a free tee-shirt. He then found a list of recent big deals in IT. He then spent the remainder of the morning working on a Q&A, sources say.

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HE'S BACK!

2005-01-23T17:09:00.000-08:00

-- BREAKING NEWS --

Fans of Journalist Omar Jamil's weblog, Chasingtails, had reason to rejoice Sunday. Mr. Jamil, who had not posted any of the titilating details of his life since Friday, graced his readership this afternoon with a new post: "bed blogs and bloom flicks."

In the release, Mr. Jamil describes his busy weekend. He writes of dinner at Lahore Karahi, where he ate seekh kababs. He tells about drinking at the Rickshaw top and listening to a band. He explains how his fashionable shoes hurt his feet, almost ruining an otherwise pleasant visit to the SF MOMA with girlfriend Tasha Amaral, 22. He doccuments his cooking of something called aloo keema and his thoughts on seeing "The Forgotten," "Troy," and "Freaky Friday."

According to the most recent release, Mr. Jamil and his acquaintance, Miss Amaral, have regained some modicum of domestic tranquility. Omar experts were quick to point out that despite the return to normalicy, Tasha may be harboring an undercurrent of discontent. "Dude, she, like, broke his favorite ashtray," an California-based expert, who asked we not use his name, said.

Omar analysts noticed a wistful introspection in Mr. Jamil's most recent entry. "When will I stop chasing these damnable skirts?" the 30-year-old journalist wrote.

For fans of Omar's blog, the answer is: "hopefully never."

Fan Mail

2005-01-23T16:26:00.000-08:00

OmarWatch periodically receives mail from its readers regarding Omar Jamil. We thought this letter, in particular, would be useful for fans who have expressed concern over the lack of recent postings on Mr. Jamil's weblog.

Dear Sirs:

In such circumstances as the repeated absence of a posting on Chasing Tails, the Omar Jamil blog, I, as a dedicated fan, thought I might help others through their withdrawal symptoms by providing some news of another famous Omar. Whilst not intended as a replacement for news of the real deal Jamil, this Omar is doing his part to spread the omarvellous and jamilicious vibe made famous by his namesake.

The artist simply known as ‘Omar’ is an (apparently) British club and dance star. His most famous tracks include such titles as ‘meaning of life’, ‘serious style’, ‘best by far’, ‘there’s nothing like this’, ‘I’m in love’ and ‘beautifully human’.

One reviewer on Amazon.com reported: “When he’s at the top of his game, Omar is amazing. But he needs to publish more…and less typical commercial stuff. I don’t know if the US is ready for this brand of neo-soul.”

Another, who gave his review the title: ‘Some great moments but too much cheese’, wrote: “Omar is still the man!!! He’s a true artist to me and should be respected as that. But it is notable that Omar wrote very few tracks on this CD.”

To Jamil fans yearning for more news, I want you to know that it is possible to get through these days, devoid of – to use another song title of artist simply known as ‘Omar’- your “Essensual” reading.

-An Omar fan

Somerset, England

Lack of posts worries Omar fans

2005-01-23T14:21:00.000-08:00

--NEWS--

Silence may be golden to some, but for fans of journalist Omar Jamil's weblog, silence is an unbearable torture, similar to the pain of being poked in the eye with a sodering iron.

Public support for Mr. Jamil's online-journal reached record highs after its January 20th inception, many of his friends, relatives, and coworkers greeted the oportunity to enjoy Mr. Jamil's musings with unrestrained glee. Ryan Blitstein, a journalist at Red Herring Magazine and one of Mr. Jamil's coworkers, said, "DIAMOND," upon learning of the new blog.

But Omar's recent silence -- two full days -- has dismayed his loyal readers. "I felt like crying," said reporter Anna Petherick, "But then I realized it was just a piece of dust in my eye."

Others have speculated that Omar can't be bothered to blog during his busy weekends. "That guy's a party animal," said an Omar insider who asked not to be named.

Will the blog be back? Only time will tell.

Omar Jamil, goat killer?

2005-01-23T14:11:00.000-08:00

The San Bernadino Times reported a story on Muslim goat sacrifices that profiled Mr. Jamil as a goat killer. The article reported his age as 60. Experts at OmarWatch suspect the San Bernadino newspaper may have erroneously reported Mr. Jamil's name, but others have pointed out that the man profiled in the news story could be a different Omar Jamil.

Decide for yourself:

Copyright 2003 MediaNews Group, Inc.
San Bernardino Sun (San Bernardino, CA)

February 11, 2003 Tuesday

SECTION: NEWS
LENGTH: 512 words
HEADLINE: Area Muslims observe Festival of Sacrifice; Ritual recalls Abraham's willingness to sacrifice his son in obedience to God.
BYLINE: BRENDA GAZZAR, Staff Writer
BODY:

Light showers and brisk weather did not dampen spirits during a yearly Islamic ritual at a custom slaughterhouse Tuesday.

Omar Jamil of Rialto hand-picked seven goats from Lizze CustomProcessing for sacrifice and distribution in honor of Eid al-Adha, or festival of sacrifice. The holiday, one of the two most important Islamic holidays, commemorates Abraham's willingness to sacrifice his son, Ishmael, at God's command.

According to Islamic belief, God spared Ishmael's life and allowedAbraham to sacrifice a lamb instead.

The three-day holiday, which started Tuesday, also marks the end ofthe yearly pilgrimage called hajj to Mecca in Saudi Arabia.

"A lot of people love animals,' said Jamil, 60, who came to theslaughterhouse in Chino to sacrifice the goats for his family and his brother's family. "Nothing is wrong with loving animals. But the love of God should come before the love of animals. We are fulfilling the tradition of Abraham.'

Thousands of Muslims from the Inland Empire gathered for prayer inlocal mosques and at the Ontario Convention Center Tuesday. After prayers, men, women and children from throughout Southern California braved the rain to select lambs, goats and cows for sacrifice at the Chino farm.

About 300 to 500 animals are slaughtered at Lizze Custom Processingfor the Islamic ritual each year, said Richard Lizarraga, general manager.

Lambs and goats, once paid for, are taken inside to be slaughtered.Cows, usually first stunned with a stun gun, are then sacrificed outside in a wooden stall.

With a short blessing, "In the Name of God, the Compassionate, theMerciful,' the animal's throat is slit with a sharp knife and in one quick motion.

The animal is sacrificed this way to avoid causing the animal pain,said Moktar Moktar of San Gabriel, who has done the ritual for about 10 years.

"You have to have the heart and the guts before the training,'Moktar said. "By doing it a lot, you get the experience.'

Muslims are required to give one-third of the meat to relatives andfriends, another third to the needy and keep the final third for themselves and their families.

"You are not by yourself; you have a duty towards religion, society,and your children,' Jamil said of the obligation to distribute the meat.

A cow is divided into seven parts, or shared by seven adults. A lamband a goat are each considered to be one part which is sufficient for one adult.

After morning prayers at the Ontario Convention Center, Nash Ashi ofUpland brought his four sons, ages 7 to 13, to the farm to watch the ritual for the first time.

Instead of sacrificing an animal, Ashi decided to give money to theneedy.

"I prefer to give money,' Ashi said. "It goes where it is mostdeeply needed.'

Yaser, his eldest son, peered with his brothers through the chain-linkfence into the pen where the animals could touch their hands.

He said he was excited to learn the ritual and see how the lambs arechosen.

"I want to choose which one is better; the one that looks clean andhas no marks on its body,' he said.

LOAD-DATE: October 27, 2003

2005-01-22T17:30:00.000-08:00

Omar Jamil, Journalist

Omar on Apple

2005-01-22T16:30:00.000-08:00

Often, those interested in Omar wonder what he has written. Since Red Herring Magazine does not run bylines, picking out Mr. Jamil's gems can be daunting. In a recent announcement, a source Mr. Jamil spoke with wrote about his experience with the reporter.

Apple Expert Aaron Adams, publisher of www.aaronadams.net, said, "Last evening I had the opportunity to speak to Omar Jamil of Red Herring, who was writing this article and asked my thoughts about the rumors of a cheap Mac, allegedly to be introduced at MWSF. Mr. Jamil asked a number of hard questions, many of which I really didn't have an answer for simply because there aren't enough facts with which to form a solid opinion about the subject yet, if it's even true. I was able to theorize a bit, however, and Mr. Jamil chose the perfect quote to represent my first thoughts on the issue."

The article in question, Apple for the masses, ran on December 29th, 2004.

Omar Poetry, Uncovered!

2005-01-22T16:03:00.000-08:00

-- BREAKING NEWS --

Recently discovered doccuments suggest journalist Omar Jamil, of Red Herring Magazine, may also be a poet. Experts associated with OmarWatch uncovered the doccuments during a routine investigation. The poem, written almost five years ago, paints a picture of Valentine's day sadness, depression, and love lost. Omar-confidant Ahmad Rafay Alam published the poem, which alludes to a woman with Cranberry-flavored lipgloss.

Monday Morning
i'm feeling low
the way you'd feel
on a grey winter morning
when the snow on the ground
has lost its brilliance
and turned to slush
like my soul
on such muggy mornings
when the coffee is cold
and cigarettes stale
and everything goes
just the way its supposed to
until its supposed to
then comes crashing down
like a house of cards
on a dollar-store dining table
"special offer - a quarter off"
the sale of your self
and else
where you go is not here
but there
where you came from
crash
switch tracks
i'm tired of sleeping and
meeting and talking
and this eternal goddamn need
to be not something
or someone but any
thing
that catches the fancy
of a particular moment in time
that keeps threatening
to run out
and leave me stranded
in this place i know
so well
but yearn not to
escape from
in all my laziness
and complacency
that nurtures the hurt and pain
i believe i have felt
in lives i would have lived
but for circumstance
and chance encounters
in bus-stops and railway stations
and halfway houses for disconsolate
bums such as my
self
where red paan stains
mark floors on which
souls greater than mine
have bled
for causes i can only pretend
to believe in
for lack of faith and hope and love
and all those constants that mark
a man's being with completion
in slow soft streaks
like the scratches on my back
i carry my own private cross
of your loss
which i have imagined
in this void where you would have been
and lived once
in my mind
through visions of your body
leaning against mine
self pity is a marvelous aphrodisiac
to wallow in non-existent
woes and grief and
sometimes i sicken myself
sometimes
with this constant desire
this craving for blank gazes
and hot sighs against my ears
where i can still feel
your warmth
and absence
like a slow persistent ringing
i try to fill with loud music
and harsh words and cool cynicism
that bounces off a vague memory
of your smile
and hits me in the gut
where true feelings lie
true feelings
not those we desire or those
we create or those
we try to milk
out of random moments
of romance that life hands us
like that first kiss in the moonlight
that never really happened
but happened somewhere
because i remember it so clearly
so
fucking
clearly
as real as the cranberry taste
of your lipgloss
so fresh on my lips
from fingers dipped
in a plastic box
when all i wanted was yours
against mine
i stray dangerously close to losing
a bit of what i thought i had
but probably don't
no wait
i don't
but have craved more than
being itself
pause
and so i end
back where i began
between kisses i felt
and your smile
where i put my life
in dreams half finished
before awakening
to another monday morning
14th February 2000
Karachi

Lack of post raises concerns

2005-01-22T15:22:00.001-08:00

NEWS -- January 22, 2004 --

Omar Jamil, a San Francisco-based journalist, did not post to his blog last night, raising concerns about his health, well-being, and general state of affairs. This break in service represents the first time he has not made an entry since starting the online journal of his exploits. Pundits have speculated that Mr. Jamil, 30, may have been engaged in some other activity that would impindge on his motor skills, sap his time, or otherwise preclude his ability to type in his web journal.

To be sure, Mr. Jamil's absence could be taken as a sign of improved relations with girlfriend Tasha Amaral, 22. Sources said Mr. Jamil was in high spirits on departing the offices of Red Herring Magazine, in Mountain View, California.

2005-01-22T15:22:00.000-08:00

Friday, January 21

OMAR TIFFS WITH GIRLFRIEND

Omar, a writer based in San Francisco, announced today in a release that he and his girlfriend had a fight. The domestic disturbance centered on potato mashing, reports indicate. Tasha, Omar’s 22-year-old girlfriend and domestic partner, could not be reached for comment.

The lowdown:

Omar’s recent foray into athletic endeavor and the rollout of his new “the burn” workout initiative may have been the catalyst for the event. Sources close to Omar note that he becomes “irritable” when tired or even “pissy.” Omar attributed his poor mood to a 14-hour work day – though these numbers could not be verified. Although the dispute seems to have been amicably resolved, investors in this relationship have reason to worry – disagreement over domestic duties often leads to poor long-term dividend prospects.